quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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