imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
