i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
