I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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