the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
