Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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