I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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