I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
