Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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