he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
