You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
