you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
