Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
