every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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