you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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