Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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