Farmville is her only friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
