I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
