I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
