Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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