Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
