dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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