Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
