he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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