guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
