So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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