We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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