I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
