just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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