My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
