I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
