I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
