I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think brook has ever known best
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
