I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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