i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
