FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
