she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
