Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
