so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
