kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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