This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
