You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it hurts more in the daytime
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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