I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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