I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
