I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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