member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
