Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
