I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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