The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
