whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize