In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
