Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
