He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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