Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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