I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
