Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
