when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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