Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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