I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
