I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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