good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
