we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
