Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
