Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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