I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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