I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
