i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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