oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
