Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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