Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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