I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
