some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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