I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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